My own journey of reclaiming my health, my womanhood and my sovereignty, my search for aliveness and meaning - and how I remembered who I came here to be.
MY STORY
THE BEGINNING.
For years I refused to listen to my body. I resisted and dismissed it’s signals of despair. I kept on trying to fix it, relentlessly, creating a war inside myself.
After I stopped the pill at age 25 I didn’t bleed for 2 years. My symptoms ranged from painful cystic acne, gut issues, hair loss, insane mood swings, weight gain, chronic fatigue and deep abdominal pain. I was successful on the outside, making great money as a fashion pattern designer and studying to become a yoga teacher, but on the inside I felt terrible.
Living, going out in the world and showing myself was a daily challenge. Yet the most difficult thing is that I didn’t know what was going on. My questions left unanswered after seeing doctors, holistic practitioners, healers. I tried all the “right things”. All the diets and all the supplements.
Something in me died at that time. I lost my self esteem, my sense of self worth.
I felt disconnected from my body, my intuition and any sense of what it is to be a woman. I did not feel sensual, confident or sexy. My transition into womanhood was more painful than anything else.
I just felt that something was wrong with me, pretty much all the time. I developed so much fear of people judging me for who I am and how I look that I am still uncovering and releasing up to this day. My repeated attempt to fix, change or control only increased the disconnect to myself.
Gradually I recovered my period after making some food changes. During covid my successful career stopped being so successful. My romantic relationship was fleeting. I craved being in nature. My intuition started to speak to me again, louder and louder. It became so loud that 4 years ago I left everything. My home, my community, my relationship, my belongings.
I started a new chapter which I would now call ‘becoming myself’ ; my life became an experimentation of what it is to be a woman.
Slowly I learnt to trust myself by reclaiming my own authority after giving so much of my power to other people. Trusting where my intuition was calling me and doing my own thing, I travelled through Europe, Central America, Asia and over 9 countries before settling in Bali late 2022.
I was hungry to experience and understand, myself, others. The world.
WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW, go deeper.
Diving into somatic practices around the fields of sensuality, sexuality and emotionality have allowed me to embrace the parts of me that I have shamed, repressed or wasn’t in connection with. How deeply my body was longing to be met, felt and listened to. And how much embracing my depths and sensationary experience opened me to the realm of energy and what operates beyond the visible. I’d already been practicing meditation for a few years in a Buddhist context, yet as I started to move, feel and explore my body something opened inside me.
I began leaning towards this field of the unseen, mysticism and God, a field of pure potential beyond my own fears and limitations.
Simultaneously I started to immerse myself into the systems of Evolutionary Astrology and Human Design. I was and have been ever since, in awe of the answers I found. I saw and felt the confirmations of what I felt deep inside but wasn’t able to articulate ; why I always felt like I didn’t fit in, why I had the challenges I was having, why I was longing to carve a different path than my family, and so much more. Those systems gave me a language to make sense of and to speak about the world within and around me. I began to trust more and more into what I feel and the way my body and energy are leading me, I started to become aware of my gifts and the value I am here to bring to this world over comparing myself.
By realigning to my own truth I started to love and accept myself more. I practiced putting myself first because I lost too much when I did not. For me listening to and honoring my body is the highest form of love I can give to myself. And what I believe is the foundation of my slowly regained confidence and self esteem.
The deepest sense of passion and mission in helping women to become more empowered in who they truly are and deeply rooted in self worth - feeling safe in their body, attuned to their inner wisdom and confident in their voice - has been emerging ever since.
I realize now how this world is so much more than what I’ve been told. Beyond our physical body lays (often dormant) layers of energy, emotions, mind, sexuality and soul. We are multidimensional beings often unaware/disconnected from our true essence. In a chronically stressed, over-busy, disregulated society our body is a mystery that longs to be remembered, embraced and felt again in order to open and heal. I believe that true health, flow and vibrancy is the natural result of an inward unravelling of unprocessed emotions, limiting beliefs, stagnant energy that have been layered on top of who we truly are.
Ready to embrace your personal power and step into your fullest potential ?
I am dedicated to guiding women on a transformative journey to discover their unique purpose and embrace their inner strength, helping them move through the world with confidence, ease, and purpose.